Staying In My Wilderness - A Prayer

on Monday, January 26, 2009

“Lord, I am tired, broken, empty-handed, and helpless. I know that you have delivered me from my old wilderness and endevoured to bring me to a land of comfort and victory but this Fertile Crescent was and has never been real to me, or perhaps I am just too blind to see it over yonder. Under this scorching heat of the sun, I am gradually losing my spirit’s sanity; seated on the sand of this cornerless desert, Lord, I just want to hide my face, my skin, my everything underneath these clothes but the intensity of the heat penetrates through my body and I am slowly deteriorating. Father, you know that I can never be good enough for you and all my attempts to become closer to you seem to fall short from your expectations. I feel so embarrassed before a throng of unscrupulous vultures who are watching my every move and so I thought that perhaps to them I am already a dead body ready to be eaten. God, why are you hiding your face again from me, it seems that no matter how many times I stand up and call your name I still don’t get your strength. Please don’t forsake me here in my wilderness, for You know how pure my heart is and how much I desire to please You, but sometimes I let things happen against Your will and every time I do this my strength to overcome goes out of me and then questions on identity set in.”

“Jesus, I pray for Your joy and strength to fill the emptiness of my soul. I want to see the cross and the holes in the palms of Your Hands to make me remember how much you love me. Embrace me tonight. Remove the clouds from the sky so I can see the moon and the stars. God, if it takes forever for me to learn Your ways then I am willing to stay in my wilderness no matter how long it takes. I love you, Jesus…. wherever you are. Amen.”