A Mighty Warrior

A Victor's Chant

2011-07-31T20:42:00.000+08:00

A Victor’s Chant
31st July 2011
Krispy Kreme – Robinsons Galleria, Ortigas
--enticingconundrum.blogspot.com--

Afraid to look beyond
What is left and gone
My peace is ebbing away
Like the sun losing its glare.

All that I have is stolen from me
And my fortress has always failed me.
What else could this life offer
When my mind is in deep stupor.

Amidst these impossible dreams
Bring my hopes back, Oh Lord.
Before these mountains
Give powers to my words, Oh Lord.
For when the sun rises tomorrow
Your glory will outshine my sorrows.

As I resolve to wait for Your coming
Let my tongue speak of Your majesty.
Keep my spirit in perfect peace
Even when the storms become unrelenting.

So have Your way in me, my God
My Comforter, my Rock
Search every corner of my heart
And let your strength not depart.

Amidst these impossible dreams
Bring my hopes back, Oh Lord.
Before these mountains
Give powers to my words, Oh Lord.
For when the sun rises tomorrow
Your glory will outshine my sorrows.

Is God For Us?

2011-05-31T11:53:00.002+08:00

Is God For Us?
30th May 2011
Dennie’s Room
9am

Looking at the tragedies of this world makes me wonder how God is making sense with the things He promised as opposed to what we experience in this troubled world. God’s unpredictability is so unnerving most of the time but could also be humorous sometimes. Acknowledging my cerebral frailty, I know that God’s nature is both unformulated and uncalculated that neither angels nor Da Vinci could decode it. All I know is that we are all passer-bys on this planet and one day, just like the others and just like my Mom, we shall all have our eternal journey to a place where we truly belong.

Ask a Scientist about the future of this planet and they will give you objective answers about our finite destiny here. The Polar Shift phenomenon, climate change, calamities, galactic collisions and finally human annihilation are inevitable based on their studies and data. They may have valid data to vouch for these claims but you see these are all human calculations and they are undoubtedly flawed in some aspects. I am not saying that these things are not possible because they are. In fact even an ordinary pilot can say that the earth has tilted based on their navigation system and the sad thing is that it continually does so bit by bit. Could this tilting have also affected the behaviour of mankind that we have suddenly unlearned our “human” language and has consequently caused war, murder, conspiracies, and deceit amongst us? Well, I guess not really (unless our modern Einsteins would think otherwise). We have changed our moral values in exchange for wealth and fame, we hold on to things that we think are important to us but neglecting our spiritual identity, and most of all we have started to doubt God’s existence in this present world where everybody has ways of explaining and rationalizing the things that happen around us. The modern world has made us understand that we create our destiny and that things happen based on the law of nature. The things that happen in our lives are both consequential and part of God’s plans, it’s not because we are all victims of either Polar Shift or Climate Change but we are accountable for every single thing we do on earth. In any case, we all have to go somewhere when all things fade on this planet.

God says that we are not of this world but we will suffer the same way as other people suffer. He never promised His children a storm-free life for if it were then we would have not acknowledged our need for a Saviour. The paradox of His plans for mankind is unexplainable, perhaps even crazy but it is not our responsibility to fathom His thoughts for they are much, much higher than all of Einstein brains combined. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and it is through this wisdom that we make the right choices but since God’s will contradict our earthly desires we then make the wrong choices. Our choices ultimately gratify the “SELF” in us. Sometimes we even convince or even try to hypnotise the God of the Universe that our wants are the same as His plans for us. That is totally funny, and I am so guilty of this!! (I’m just making confessions, ok?!) But you see, even if we make the wrong choices GOD MAKES IT RIGHT FOR US (eventually) because we are His children, we may experience the consequences of our wrong decisions but He gives us the grace to go through it and the wisdom to embrace the learning points. However, I am not saying that this should give us the license to deliberately make wrong decisions, there are times when things are unclear to us but we have to make decisions right away. God knows that we can never be good enough and because our human minds are clouded with confusions and worries, we may not always hear God. God is always for us no matter how many times we err in this lifetime, He has promised us that ALL things work together for GOOD (even if we make wrong choices) to those who love Him. This means that no matter what we experience here on earth (both good and bad) He will orchestrate things to make everything right IN HIS TIME. Our response is to TRULY trust God and know that He is sovereign and that He sees the end from the beginning. Since we are not of this world, when the time comes that we will finally meet Him face to face make sure that you have all the list of questions you want to ask and it we will all have EUREKA! moments with Him.

You may have also wondered why good people suffer and God is not lifting a finger to alleviate their conditions. Well, firstly the Bible says that in this world WE WILL HAVE TROUBLES, it does not say that ONLY THE UNGODLY will have troubles but it says WE will have troubles. As long as we are here on earth where sin is so apparent, we will experience the enemy’s whippings against our God-given lives. God wants us to have a full life but the enemy is here to steal and destroy all that God has given and planted in our hearts (including our hopes, faith, joy and material blessings). God is not the giver of these problems but He allows things to happen so we would depend on His grace and abounding love. It is only through our struggles that we can recognise how BIG God is and how He can command our storms to still. We are no threat to the enemy UNTIL WE LET GOD RULE OUR LIVES. The enemy doesn’t care even if bad people are being blessed (God’s blessings are free for ALL) because he knows that these people are his and will not recognise God in their lives no matter how much they are being blessed. It is when a person acknowledges and accepts the Lordship of Jesus in their lives that causes the enemy to tremble. THE ENEMY KNOWS HOW MUCH GOD CAN USE YOU once you have the Word planted in your heart. The enemy is out there to steal everything that God will bless you with including your hopes, your dreams, your faith and most especially your joy. However, our response is to rejoice and be thankful IN EVERYTHING and remain still for He who promised is faithful and will not delay. God is NEVER late in accomplishing His promises in our lives but He has His own timelines that we need to respect. Whilst we are going through our struggles on this planet, believers must hold on to the thought that GOD IS SOVEREIGN and that HE IS IN CONTROL. Although I know that it is not easy to stay calm amidst turmoil, but just like the Polar Shift we need to ask God to shift our belief systems to His character knowing that He will fight our battles. God is not a liar, He is faithful to His promises.

Has God given you a promise that you have been holding on for years or decades now? Well, do not grow weary He will NOT DELAY. As you wait for His promises to unfold always declare His faithfulness and remind the enemy of his destiny (he’s long been defeated and his future is counted). I pray that whilst reading this looong pseudo-sermon of DENNIE, God will remind you how special you are to Him and that His faithfulness will remain even after the world fades.

Is God Unfair?

2011-03-14T15:05:00.001+08:00

Is God Unfair?
By: Dennie Comia
13th March 2011 – Starbucks, Galleria

How many times have we asked ourselves how unfair life is? How God can look down from the heavens and see the cares of this world without lifting a finger to fix them? You see, everywhere we look at, good people suffer and the not-so-good ones prosper and exalted; children are starving across the globe, marriages fall apart despite the genuineness of their vows, and the list goes on and on. People make choices for this is something that God can not steal from us, but should this omniscient God push the STOP button if He knows that the choices His children will make will ultimately bring them one step closer to oblivion? Look fellas, I am just as naïve as some of you to ask these questions and I am no EINSTEIN to give you an equation to answer such questions. However, please allow me to be your preacher just for this moment and I will endevour to put some Slurpees on your bewitched heads.

We all have stories to share about our struggles in this life. I used to think that watching drama movies and “tele-seryes” was a waste of time for they only magnify the intricacies of life to attract viewers who could relate to the stories. But hey, they may be real you know. While you become so affected with your longstanding personal loans and unsettled credit cards, or your relationships sapping your energy out, or even your boss bringing out the devil in you (pardon my French, will ya?!), other people are hardly living because of the sour consequences caused by other sapiens’ selfishness, bondages, and ungodliness. You see, God never desires to see us begging for His blessings or worse is expecting for our breakthroughs in vain. We are all His children yet most of us have never even had a glimpse of oasis in our own wilderness. How come Christians suffer and those who curse God ultimately prosper in many ways? Can the enemy bless God’s children abundantly so they could continue their waywardness? Hmmm, that’s a toughie, y’know. But the enemy only steals, destroys and kills God’s children, it is not in his nature to bless people especially God’s children. In this way, people should see the very nature of Christ, faithful and loving. He can’t deny His nature, He blesses people regardless of their character. Now you may call Him unfair!!! He blesses the not-so-good ones and forgets His children?! Isn’t that soooo unfair? God has His ways to let us realise that He is after all in control about the things in this world. The problem with us is we always try to understand God’s plan for mankind with our limited reasoning. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and therefore we will not be able to calibrate our interpretation against His wisdom. God has separate plans for each and every one of us, they are unique to oneself and the timelines are also different. Others have died without even experiencing their breakthroughs in their lifetimes (so they thought!), but that doesn’t mean that God wasn’t present all those years. His timelines may mean forever to one person or it could extend to another lifetime (to your descendants). One thing is for sure though, our patience and obedience to God will be rewarded while we are here on earth or it could be extended to the lives of other people or to our children. Abraham did not see the Promised Land but God remained true to His promises and to the people of Israel. After years of wandering in the wilderness, He remained faithful not just to Abraham but to His descendants. He provided everything they needed, He protected them, He sustained their strengths, but despite God’s faithfulness to them, they were ungrateful and impatient. Some of them may have died in that exodus but God kept His promises. They reached the Promised Land after several years, although Abraham did not see it, his obedience to God and God’s faithfulness to His promises led his people to that land flowing with milk and honey. Do you honestly think that all the Israelites who were part of that exodus really deserved God’s blessings? I think not (this is just my opinion, ok?!), but you see, God’s character is true and faithful. He let them see all the breakthroughs because it was what He promised to the people of Abraham. He did not knit-pick on people who should be left behind, because that was what He promised. We ask the WHY’s because we look at people differently, their lifestyle, their practices, their beliefs, etc etc and then we tell ourselves that they don’t deserve God’s blessings because of their sinful lives. Before you even judge them, think again, God looks at us differently. He looks at a murderer differently; He blesses liars just like He blesses other Christians; He prospers the greedy just like He supplies the needs of His disciples. But this does not make Him unfair, every blessing He gives to a person is combined with an opportunity for that person to see His face differently. If one misses that chance and goes on with his filthy ways, that person will reap curses perhaps not in his lifetime but in the lives of other people whom he/she loves or worse is it could be extended to the lives of his descendants. I can’t re-emphasise enough that nobody can ever explain the mind of God, but if we continue to hold on to our faith and trust that God is in control in everything that happens around us, then these questions will not haunt us forever.

My prayer for all of you is that you will feel excited about what God will do in your life and to the lives of your family in this lifetime. It is nobody’s responsibility to compare and interpret the will of God for other people, the best thing for us to do is to TRUST that God is in the works of molding the character of His people no matter what and how long it takes.

The Endless Race

2011-02-02T12:46:00.001+08:00

The Endless Race
Lyrics By: Dennie Comia
30th January 2011
The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf – Galleria Ortigas

All my life it seems like an endless race
Running through the track with a losing pace.
All I have ever desired for is to be with You.
To be in Your place where strength is renewed.

Breathe on me when my strength is fading.
Run with me when everyone is running past me.
Show me the way leading to Your comfort
And when hope is unseen
Let Your presence find me.

The troubles of this world have made me forget
The passion You have in pursuing me.
Open my eyes to the beauty of Your light.
Open my senses to the freedom You bring

The more I let loose of Your Hand
The more I see Your wounds.
Take me back to the Cross
Where freedom was won.

Breathe on me when my strength is fading.
Run with me when everyone is running past me.
Show me the way leading to Your comfort
And when hope is unseen
Let Your presence find me.

May Your goodness reign
In this endless road of brokenness
Make my life whole again
As I get up from this mess.

False Identity

2011-01-24T20:22:00.000+08:00

False Identity
By: Dennie Comia
24th January 2011
Abelardo’s Diner – Wack Wack, Mandaluyong

Every day you wake up but you find no reason to get up. Then you will try to remember about what you read and heard from motivational speakers who taught you to be invincible, to unleash your potential, and to become a hero of yourself. But no matter how much effort you exert, you end up feeling frustrated for not being able to overcome your limitations. Then you realise that you are simply masking your pains, it may have desensitised your emotions but it never truly takes away the fears, the insecurities, the nightmares of your past and the uncertainties of your future. You ask yourself, “Is this all I can expect from a God who cares?”, “Is life all about finding your place under the sun?”, “Does being happy mean being intimate with someone or being in love with a person you truly care for?” Although, I will not endevour to find answers to these questions (as my experiences may be limited compared to those whose lives are spent with greater struggles) but I will simply put a sketch of God’s face on your weary souls. The only Face that can truly quiet my troubled soul.

Looking at the reviews done by techy-addicts on the performance of some famous Android/Tablet products that have recently gone out, they always use a benchmark for comparison. Usually it’s the very first product that was ever launched in the market that is used for benchmarking, in this case it’s Apple’s iPAD. The new gadgets like Samsung’s Galaxy Tab, BB’s PlayBook, etc. are simply a pastiche of features and specifications of other android phones and iPAD. Although I am not in the position to really compare these products because for one, I don’t own any of them and secondly I am overwhelmed by the features they present to the hungry techy predators out there. It scares me to even know the cost of one at this time, so I am forced to love my not-so-reliable touch phone (unless some of you would like to bless me with a Tablet, **clears throat**!!!) Well, my point is companies will always find ways to create a need for everyone to make our lives a lot easier, quainter, and much classier (talking about status symbol). It’s all about situating their excellence at the forefront of everything, getting attention and having their names embedded in the minds of the public. If finding one’s identity under the sun is all that matters on this planet, then it is frightening to see how chaotic this world could become. I guess it has already started, or I may be wrong. I am an ordinary person with nothing much to brag about except the fact that He has blessed me with a loving family, but just like every-“sapien” else on this tilting planet I feel so concerned about not being acknowledged, remembered or simply not being important to some people. To me, that appreciation by people may somehow complete me and make my day happy, but since I don’t get that much attention I feel that I’m just hovering up in the air unnoticed by all, defying the laws of gravity and trying to create my own fantasies in a more ideal world. However, we will all leave this place and will not be able to testify the truth behind that ideal world. In our world, bad things happen to good people, lives are broken, relationships are temporary, and happiness is hardly found. We take different routes hoping that the road will be kind to us and will allow us to meet the person who can truly substantiate our existence on this planet. For some behaviourists, they justify these ways to help people move on and help them strategise their lives by human efforts. I hope you will not get me wrong, God has commissioned these people and their belief systems in pulling the people out from the ruts but they surely will fall short from God’s promises to those who love and devoute their lives to Him whom our true identity belongs. If you are struggling with identity or always wanting to find purpose in your life then you may be traversing through a wrong path. If you think your accomplishments will embellish your basic understanding about life and eternity then perhaps you have been fooled by earthly wisdom. The only way to really see the invincible is to be blinded by the glitters of this world, and the only way to your resting place is to be chased by Him. God wants us to have a full life but it is not our task to understand the insufficiencies and incompleteness we feel every day. It has also been a struggle for me to rationalise everything to help me ease the pain of being alone (in some aspects), His silence makes me wonder, doubting everything I read about His words and His character but I can’t force God to do things according to me own terms. Instead, I am slowly learning how to TRULY put my trust in Him and depend on Him. I have nothing but He is my Everything. I may not be able to understand most of the things that transpire in this world but His wisdom will help me understand the only things I need to see my destiny. Faith is the linchpin of living a full life according to His will, it is believing that God has our best interest at heart no matter how painful and lonely our lives have become. In His own time, He will unfold His face to you so you’d see everything that is to be seen.
Finding real happiness by knowing your true identity is never a bad thing, but if you benchmark it with how the world defines it then you will never be able to reconcile your identity in this world and to whom your identity truly belongs.

FLY

2010-06-02T17:13:00.000+08:00

Fly – Lyrics/Poem by Dennie
2nd June 2010
3pm - Living Room
enticingconundrum.blogspot.com

Losing so many battles
My strength has worn out, Oh Lord.
And to search for Your resting place
Is just as difficult as a maze.

Lord I am so tired of living
In this world where hope is a myth.
But I know You are the answer
For the things I truly hope for.

So Jesus take my hand
When my strength is not enough.
And when shame is all around me
Wrap me up with your steadfast love.
I want to fly with Your Spirit
Oh Lord, I want to fly with Your Spirit.

My mournings have subdued me
With nothing left for myself but a heartbeat
But with this remaining hope
I shall vow to seek your face.

So Jesus take my hand
When my strength is not enough.
And when shame is all around me
Wrap me up with Your steadfast love
I want to fly with Your Spirit
Oh Lord, I want to fly with Your Spirit.

I will never stop believing
For the promises You have given
You will give me wings to fly
And feet I can use to climb
But should I fall again
This I should know best…..

Jesus take my hand
When my strength is not enough
And when shame is all around me
Wrap me up with your steadfast love
I want to fly with Your Spirit
Oh Lord I want to fly with Your Spirit.

Oh Lord let’s fly!

Your Light - A POEM by Dennie

2010-05-26T17:26:00.001+08:00

Your Light – A POEM
enticingconundrum.blogspot.com
26th May 2010
5:23PM
Starbucks Megamall

Each day the sun rises
My hopes are not awakened
Lord, the path I have taken
Seems deserted and forsaken.

Will I truly see Your countenance
Amidst this road of hopelessness?
Will Your voice still speak to me
Now that I have lost Your assurance?

When love is so far flung
Will Your loving kindness give warmth?
Lord, unleash Your power
To bring my heart out from this slumber.

I don’t want to see death
If death means losing You.
Despite this life You have nurtured
Still my eyes could not see my future.

Now I wonder what it means
To be consumed by Your light?
When a heavy smoke is all around me
How could I get a glimpse of Your sight?

In this world of confusing tongues
Speak Your language aloud
Silence the Babylonians’ mouths
And let Your language resound.

Lord, a piece of Your light
Is worth a million starlights
Satisfy this longtime desire
And in my heart, let that Light abide.

2010-03-09T10:24:00.000+08:00

Desperation – Lyrics by Dennie
March 07, 2010
Galleria, Ortigas

If winning every battle means self denial
Catch me as I fall down.
If being saved is close to being abandoned
Keep me into Your arms.

I need You, Lord
In my deepest longings
Seek my soul.
I need You, Lord
In my discontent
Satisfy my soul.

Show us Your heaven
When darkness plagues men.
Let Your countenance amaze us
When brokenness taints our lives.

We need You, Lord
In our deepest longings
Seek our souls
We need You, Lord
In our discontent
Satisfy our souls.

Let my tears be Your tears
Let my pain be Your pain
Oh Lord, I am desperate for Your mercy.
So desperate for Your love.

To The Faithless

2010-02-24T11:02:00.001+08:00

To The Faithless – A Poem
February 21, 2010
SM Megamall

People fight for power
Feeding their souls with greed.
Leaving marks of hatred
To their ever feeble spirits.

But Your ways, Oh Lord
Have bridged that gap
Showing us the answers
To this faithless generation.

Dismissing Your existence
By minds You created
Still our hearts can not deny
Our longingness for a Saviour.

If only people could truly grasp
The science of Your unfailing love
Cords shall be broken
Lives will be restored.

It takes one perfect love
To cast away the curses of this world
It takes one great sacrifice
To make us worthy of His love.

But none of our efforts matter
To put meaning into our lives
N or the goodness of our hearts
Will bring us closer to paradise.

So have Your way in us, Oh Lord.
This we pray
Restore our land
And let Your glory unfold.

Wounded

2010-02-01T14:05:00.001+08:00

Wounded
February 01, 2010
11:02am
Shell Office, Makati City

As I come closer to see your face
My brokenness is magnified.
Feeling naked and wounded
My eyes cry.

I am a captive of my own afflictions
And my soul is fleeting away.
Oh Lord, I am helpless
Rescue me from this den.

They say I am a fighter for nothing
For I have never declared any victories.
My fortresses have failed me
Losing my kingdom’s glory.

Left with a dying courage
Amidst this cloudy road
You see my agony
You restore me.

With no words spoken,
I see Your tears falling.
With your outstretched arms
I experience grace overflowing.

Search every wound, Oh Lord
And heal every pain they cause.
Remove any hinge of suffering
That only I have inflicted.

Your compassion amazes me
And your love convicts me.
In Your grip of grace
I shall see eternity.

Countless Times - A Poem By Dennie

2009-12-29T12:21:00.001+08:00

Countless Times
December 29, 2009
12:02pm
Shell Office, Makati City

Countless times, I have hurt you.
Countless times, I have nailed you on the Cross.
But Your mercy never fails
And your grace sustains me.

Will I ever fathom your steadfast love for me?
For every time I choose to follow my ways
Your Spirit chastises me
And Your goodness causes me to fall on bended knees.

Countless times, I have challenged your precepts,
But only to justify my humanness.
My mind may disprove Your existence
But my spirit truly desires Your fortress.

So today I set aside my earthly cognition
And embrace Your Spirit’s comprehension.
The works of Your Hands will forever amaze me
They will remind me of Your unfailing love.

Countless times, You have comforted me
Your Presence assures me of your providence.
Countless times, You removed the clouds above me
Your Glory illuminates my ignorance.

Let my tongue speak of Your faithfulness.
Let my life be the temple of Your goodness.
For in this lifetime, I shall see Your greatness
More than a countless time.

For Real - A POEM by Dennie

2009-11-06T16:58:00.001+08:00

For Real - A POEM By DENNIE
06th November 2009
--Starbucks Megamall--

Years have gone by
Tears have dried up
Yet the thought of you
Remains painted in my head.

In this lifetime
I have never grasped the answers
To the questions
Behind your mystery.

Some say it’s foolish to look for you
Yet others find you.
Some think you’re too good to be true
Yet others experience you.

But from the shores of my heart
Your waves bring a message of hope
That somewhere beyond the yonder
Your face will soon unfold.

And so I let go of all my fears
Except the fear of losing you.
But should you hide your face from me
My future will become bleak.

I shall wait here to prove your existence
I shall see your wonders in the midnight sun.
And in the daybreak, my hands will reach for you
So come take me to your wonderland.

Spiritual Acuity

2009-10-28T17:59:00.002+08:00

Spiritual Acuity
27th October 2009
Dennie’s Room

The acuity of one’s eyes is something that can be measured off the bat. It does not require any medical preparation other than a chart with letters of varying sizes to be read with only a single eye. I don’t have a 20/20 vision but all I can say is that my eyes are clear enough to see the things that are visually pleasant and not-so-pleasant, what is black and what is white, what needs to be fixed and the how-to-do’s of fixing it, and the list goes on and on. However, a normal visual acuity does not always lead us to an accurate way of analysing and interpreting things, as it is not very uncommon that we see a lot of optical illusions around us. If we always believe on what we see on the visual realm we might end up impairing our judgment.

Our perception is a result of a single unified awareness derived from sensory processes (sense of sight is one of them) while a stimulus is present. These communal conversations from the different senses are critical to how we respond to certain stimuli and if we get to see and experience the same stimulus over and over again our brain creates an automatic response to a single stimulus without analysing it (awesooomee, isn’t it?!!). It is so amazing how the brain, culture, and genes make up the human psyche - - however, I do not want to discount the fact that one’s spirituality greatly impacts the way we understand things and how we behave as individuals. Hey wait-a-sec, I am not here to promote the undying duel between Science and Religion because I believe that both these disciplines could be married given the right explanation (or I maybe wrong, cut the crap dennie!)

How many times have we been bamboozled by our perception just because our eyes were so hallucinatory? We judge things based on what we see but most of the time what we see is never quite what it seems, hence, an impaired judgment. The same is true in our Christian living, our spiritual eyes are so stringy about what they see on this earth and judge them so easily. This is simply because they think that those eyes are so capable of seeing things the same way God sees things. Just because we are not from this world does not mean that our eyes shall only see the things that are holy and any deviation from what is holy is an infection that needs to be isolated and worse is quarantined. The humanness of mankind may be very sinful, but it is through this very nature that the Son of God embraced humanity so that people would likewise embrace eternity with Him when our heavenly Father summons our spirits. It is, however, so frustrating that some Super Christians have a microscopic visual acuity that even a miniscule of dust could easily be magnified. They keep an eye out for their fellow Christians who will stumble and fall into sin and criticise their lifestyle; they then make a permanent perception about that person and the worse part is that they influence other Christians through this holy and perfect perception.

How many times have we heard Christians harshly commenting about their fellow Christians who are being rumored as an adulterer, a fornicator, a drug user, a homosexual, an alcoholic, a smoker, a party-goer, a feigner, a sexual addict, an immoral, etc etc. This is an ugly truth that we often see inside the church – an ecumenical paradox that even church leaders found themselves ensnared by. It all starts with some degrees of impairment in one’s spiritual acuity and if this is not corrected, it will result to a more debilitating effect on one’s (the person being judged) battles against addiction (and the others that the Bible considers as ungodly) and eventually loses his hope of being recovered from a bondage. I am not saying that Christians should have a sense of indifference on these things, in fact seeing and identifying a possible aberration in one’s Christian walk is just the first step of dealing the issue. The steps after that are as equally critical as the first one, as this would make or break a person’s faith in God. I said POSSIBLE aberration because some people think that their practices are right (perhaps culturally or according to one’s personal beliefs and preferences), others are simply clueless that their practices contradict the standards of God. The rule of thumb is that you do not spill out nor pass judgment against one person if you have identified a possible aberration. You pray for guidance so God can give you wisdom on the how-to-dos of rebuking a person, needless to say, this needs to be subtly done. You do not dictate to a person how he should become, how he should act, how he should go about his life, but you need to give him options, explain to him how you feel about this contradiction in relation to his Christian walk. The worse thing that you could ever do as a counselor or friend is to make that person feel condemned. Nobody is perfect and since every individual is unique, you can NEVER feel and understand how and why he/she does those things that you consider as ungodly. There are a lot of things that contribute to such behaviours and being so superlative about Christianity is not and will never be a powerful tool to make a person feel that we have a loving and gracious God (another paradox, huh!). Don’t get me wrong with what I said so please allow me to explain this deeper…. Although most if not all Christians know that we are still prone to committing errors (at least that’s what we tell to our brethren), some of us STILL find it so hard to accept that these spiritual glitches are possible. These Christians are being rumored, ridiculed, persecuted (oh yes…… by their fellow Christians!!!!) and condemned. Wheeeew!!! Some people!!!!! Christianity does not equate to perfection, it is a continuous battle between human affliction, shortcomings and God’s amazing grace.
I know some of you are raising your eyebrows or perhaps even way too itchy to respond to this ideology, some of you might even ask who my Small Group leader is but this I tell you “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!” The next time your spiritual acuity tells you that something is wrong about a person’s life, practices, etc. ask yourself these questions “What kind of person are you when nobody is looking? Is your spiritual body bleeding because of the chains you have been secretly nurturing? Will your words destroy a person? Is your mind filled with filthy thoughts? Are you equipped with the tools you need to be able to subtly rebuke a person? If you claim to be a Christian, then perhaps judging a person straight off the bat should never be your expertise. Pray for wisdom. Speak words of enlightenment and not confusion. Be a friend, and above all be fair!

A Road To Seven

2009-09-09T15:09:00.000+08:00

A Road to Seven
September 9, 2009
01:02pm
Coffee Bean - Megamall

I find it so comical when adults look for (beauty) perfection in seven days when what is circulating around their Somas are nothing but wasted cells, impaired nuclei and free radicals. All these are by-products of years of desecration to one’s body or perhaps even due to the famous wear-and-tear principle, but in any case perfection or near-perfection can not and will never be attained in just seven days unless if you are God. If it were true, then you would probably see me painting myself with these enchanting creams, Lolz.

The world’s view on beauty is somewhat universal (usually based on superficiality), in fact according to other theorists there are mathematical equations that could be used to determine a certain ratio for beauty and imperfection regardless of race and other demographics. Leonardo Da Vinci’s drawings of the human anatomy, for instance, also empasised the relationship of beauty and symmetry. Hence, anything that does not fall under these so-called “Objective” evaluations for beauty is considered an appalling mistake of God’s creation…. Ouccch!! Guess that’s a beastly description of being unattractive (Now you know how much I despise Brad Pitt, nyahahahaaha - - Kidding!)

Regardless of how many equations there are in measuring beauty, I will never allow myself get fooled with any of these for I know that my Creator has patterned me into His likeness. I was beautifully and wonderfully made by the One who created the universe and so why bother. Beauty, according to the common adage, is in the eyes of the beholder but knowing whose eyes we consider as a benchmark for this saying is more important than staying attractive all the time just to please everybody - - - although, I can do that effortlessly, nyahahaha!! (Pardon my narcissism, I know I need a Shrink!!!) You see, the “beauty” of things goes through stages; an alchemist knows that a certain insignificant element could be transmuted to something precious like gold or silver, but still it has to go through fire to remove all the impurities before it becomes an exquisite stone desired by all. The butterflies that we adore went through ugly metamorphoses; a baby goes out from a woman’s womb wrapped in blood and full of mess; and a flower begins with a single insignificant bud before it blossoms and expose its glory, you see the point is that nothing in this world begins with something pleasant and adorable. We need to go through a complete mess before we can truly appreciate who we are and whose we are.

People always have this burden to make things beautiful beyond their might. We have embraced the fact that humans are extremely intelligent that we can figure things out ourselves and resolve every conflict, every struggle, every painful memory, and every confusion just to make our lives beautiful according to our own standards, that is the world’s standards for beauty. However, I am not saying that we should not use our God-given intelligence and just accept things as they come; my point is that the circumstances in our lives can NEVER be beautiful enough and attaining perfection is insanity. God has blessed mankind with wisdom to make our lives beautiful in His sight and I reckon that it requires faith and patience to actually see that transpiring before our eyes and the eyes of the people who see us. However, there are things that look so sour on the natural despite one’s steadfast faith to God and they seem so unbearable. This is the metamorphosis of our Christian living; often times we need to experience a complete mess before we can truly see the glory and the power of God lifting us up from an IMPOSSIBLE SITUATION.

What happens when we lack faith, obedience and patience and do things our way? We look for other avenues and embellish our lives with worldly accomplishments such as accolades from our peers, a nice job that nourishes our wallets, tons of academic certificates and degrees, and so on and so forth. These are all worldly attempts to make our lives beautiful before the eyes of this world. Remember that the world’s standards are not God’s standards for we can never understand His ways and the vastness of His knowledge is immeasurable. Often times, God is directing us towards His will but when we see the arid wilderness ahead of us we ask God, “Lord, is there any another way?” We do not see what God has prepared for us at the end of our journey, but one thing is certain, God is preparing a golden mansion for each of His children, a kind that is incomparable to the wealth of this world. We should not settle for the kind of beauty that this world promises us to give, but let’s anchor our faith on God’s promises while we go through our ugly metamorphoses until we finally meet Him face to face. I am not rallying against self-improvement as God also wants me take care of myself and improve the condition of my life. All I am saying is that we need to put God into our equations and not to do it our way and present our accomplishments to Him as if we were much omnipotent than Him.

God has His own timeframe before He lets us see the beauty behind our obedience and patience. Rest assured though that He will make things beautiful in His own time. Your life may be passing through an ugly phase and you are so tired of waiting for it to finally see its breakthrough, what you should unceasingly do is to pray that God will sustain your strength as you wait for His plans to uncover. Giving up on our faith by proving to ourselves and the people around us that we can do it without God is a world’s strategy to achieve perfection. Later on you will see that you merely settled for a hut compared to what God has desired for you to have. Beauty creams and SPFs can never adorn our lives, real beauty is hidden in a bud or in a cocoon waiting to be laid bare according to God’s perfect time.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV)

Where Have You Been?

2009-08-17T14:01:00.005+08:00

Understanding Human Adversities

Congenital Abnormalities are usually caused by some genetic aberrations that are somehow unpredictable and at a certain degree even inevitable. Although there have been medical journals explaining why such anomalies occur during conception, these scientific endeavors have fallen short of satisfying the ultimate question of WHO OR WHAT CONTROLS THE BEHAVIOUR OF THE HUMAN GENOME. As a result of this gap, mankind has learned to embrace these challenges by inventing medicines and/or prescribing prosthetic devices to help the individual carry on with his daily activities.

The goal is to become functional while attempting to sustain one’s longevity on this planet. I, for one have this congenital blood condition called Beta Thalassemia, what it is and how it affects me is something you need to research on - - - c’mon we have Google for free just make sure your spelling is correct **Lolz** - - -. I have lived with this disorder since I was born but this does not in any way affect my work nor my relationship with people, but for those who have severe and chronic physiological anomalies they would probably wish for “premature death” (for a lack of a better word) than to suffer with such abnormalities. I am not here to discuss how Genetic Engineering could detect and correct a possible aberration, as I have no desire of winning a Nobel Prize to bring pride for my lineage, lolz. This is simply to share with you how God wants us to respond on things that are hard to explain or for those that even Sciences could not fathom.

In this lifetime, there are never-ending questions we face in our unguarded moments. We ask why bad things happen to good people, why marriages fail, why prayers don’t get answered, why men of God experience persecution and misery, why some children suffer the consequences of their parents’ failures, why others are blessed and you are not, and the list goes on and on. A lot of people have died without ever understanding why they struggled despite consistent prayers and devotion to the One they have always considered as Almighty and All-Powerful God. In this lifetime, I have somehow learned to acknowledge the frustrations of Christians when God is silent amidst turmoil; we obviously want a response from God after pouring out our emotions unto Him but what we get most of the time is a deafening silence.

Where is God? Is He for real? Does He see my afflictions? Does He understand human strife?

Although these questions are valid considering that every person is facing adversities left and right, it is not our responsibility to understand God’s prerogatives but for us to become more dependent on Him in our weaknesses and brokenness. Remember that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways are totally different than ours. Just because God is silent doesn’t mean that He’s not there. It is through adversities that God is making His power and faithfulness become so apparent. God is always in the process of engineering circumstances through which He can reveal His true face to each of us. How we respond to these adversities is far better than understanding the WHYs of life. If we are deeply rooted to God’s word then no matter how strong the winds are they can only make you sway but they can never uproot you.

The story of Lazarus in the Bible strongly depicts God’s power and faithfulness during adversities. Lazarus’ sisters (Martha and Mary) were praying so hard to God for Jesus to come by their place and heal their brother Lazarus who also happened to be Jesus’ friend.

In our lives today, how many times have we prayed like that every time we are helpless, how many times have we acknowledged that it is through God that our struggles could be vanquished perhaps all the time but the sisters’ prayers were left unanswered and Jesus was silent and He was nowhere to be found. Although Jesus had heard of His friend’s health condition, still He was not there physically to deliver Lazarus from this affliction and so he died. Just imagine how much pain Lazarus’ sisters must have felt at that time, they probably even thought why God allowed Lazarus to succumb to this earthly demise considering that he was a faithful friend to Jesus.

In the story, Jesus knew everything that was happening and this was also the time when Jesus wept on His way to Lazarus’ place. Remember, just because we do not feel God’s presence doesn’t mean that He cares less for us and that his indifference will only lead us to an inevitable despair. The Bible says Jesus wept, all along He knew everything even if He wasn’t there physically.

God sees your brokenness, God feels your hurt, He weeps over our sorrows as well, God may be delaying everything because there is something magical that He’s going to perform for you and the people around you. It is our response to adversities that God wants to see. When Jesus finally came to Lazarus’ place, he had been buried in the tomb for 4 days. The sisters showed one thing that they were still 100% human to their very cores, they told Jesus “Had you been here earlier, our brother Lazarus would have been healed.”

Again, how many times have we said this to God? Perhaps every single day, perhaps you have already started doubting God’s existence long before you even asked that kind of question. But you see, in the eyes of men Jesus was late and Lazarus had already died and there was nothing else to do. God sometimes does this kind of strategy because He is about to accomplish a miracle, something that will all the more prove His power and great love to those who put their trust in Him no matter how mankind defines the statement “It’s Over!” God’s ways are unfathomable, whatever He is in the process of accomplishing through our sufferings and brokenness will always be for our best interest.

Going back to the story, Jesus asked Martha to remove the stone, which covered Lazarus’ tomb, but she was quite hesitant to do it because the body had been buried for 4 days, but Jesus told her “If you believe, you will see the glory of God.” Had she refused to do what God wanted her to do, Martha would have missed one of God’s greatest miracles. Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead! God’s ways are not our ways! His thoughts are unfathomable! He is an amazing God!

Friends, God’s silence in times of our adversities and great despair is not indicative of His involvement in our lives. He is working in every aspect of our lives even if our prayers don’t get answered in a fashion that we want Him to do. Let Him do His ways not ours and as we wait for His glory to show up before our very eyes, our response is to always put our hopes in Him knowing that He has our best interest at heart. He is building up a character in you while you’re facing that tragedy, a kind of character that will elevate your faith to the next level. As you persevere in finishing your race, God’s promise is a life of contentment and an immeasurable joy regardless of your condition. God Bless you my dear friends!

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” James 1:2-4

Abstraction - A Poem of Love

2009-04-21T20:33:00.001+08:00

Abstraction
21st March 2009
by: Dennie Comia

Never have I grasped
The mystery of the heart.
Never have I desired
being pulled up from this mire.
For my heart welcomes nothing
Other than the pain that is self-inflicting.

And just like a river
Anticipating its endless journey,
My heart’s odyssey has never seen favour.
For being one with the sea
Is merely an illusion
I don’t want to conceive.

But on that ordinary day
She came and made my heart wonder,
Why love suddenly refutes this unbelief
About things embellished by one’s fantasies.
So now I’m starting to have a glimpse
Of this myth I have never dared to kiss.

Should I embrace this myth
Or should I dismiss it?
My mind will never trust myself
For fear has taught my heart
To doubt love that can’t be sustained
By a heart that has been harshly wasted.
penned by: dennie

Inside The Lion's Den - A Poem

2009-03-19T08:04:00.004+08:00

Inside The Lion’s Den – A Poem
19th March 2009
--denniecomia.multiply.com--

Looking up from this den,
The crescent light disappears
Now I am clothed with fear
For my future looks dim.

I do not want to stay here
And think that my end is near
For the beast can smell my fear
So Lord, come rescue me here.

As I wait for my demise
Speak to me this time
Or my strength will soon vanish
And into oblivion I shall perish.

The darkness covers my vision
As my senses shout for Your salvation.
Consume me with Your fire, my Saviour
And never keep me away from your favour.

Torn and wounded,
I cry unto You
Lord, burn this lair
But forget not my prayer.

With my remaining strength
I will seek for Your light
Blot out my depression
And sustain me in this flight.

--dennie comia--

At The Battle's Forefront - A Poem

2009-03-10T21:02:00.004+08:00

How much longer will I wait
Until I see Your face?
How many battles must I win
Until I see your glory?
The blood stains in my chest are forever before me
But Your eyes seem indifferent towards me.

At the onset of this war
You said Your weapons would sustain me
But with my body’s frailty
The enemy has besieged my territory.
So with my remaining strength I go to you,
Refresh me, Oh Lord or I will lose this battle.

Distraught by the smoke
That this war has caused me.
I am succumbing to my defeat
Without any pride nor wit.
And with my remaining breath I say unto You,
“Why, O Lord, have You abandoned me?”

Chivalry has left me with a weak heartbeat
But even with this unexpected retreat
I will yield to Your Sovereignty
Knowing that You will empower me
To raise a flag of victory
Amid the ruins of my maladies.

So whether I am wounded or not
I will stand tall
For I know at the end
You will always cause me to triumph.
Therefore, I shall not fear death
For death does not exist.

- dennie comia -

Who Says You're Naked?!

2009-03-05T14:32:00.003+08:00

I have always wondered why artists love to paint naked human subjects on their naked canvases. There must be something in the human body that they probably consider as mythical or even Harry-Potterish, but since I am not an artist, --- y’see, I can’t even draw a house, for Pete’s sake!!--- I will never get to appreciate the right geometry of the human anatomy. All I know is that it’s quite humiliating to be naked before a bunch of people holding different theories in their open minds, more so if they’re paying too much attention on the concavities and convexities of your asymmetrical body. If I were to flaunt my physical glory before a crowd --- ok, ok, I know this is more of a desperate dream, nyahahahaha!! --- guess which part of my body I will cover? …. Of course my face!! They can see the whole of me but not gossip about it because they wouldn’t know who the subject is, unless of course they’re too intrigued about what they’re seeing --- hiryago again dennie! This is already too much of a coping mechanism, have you taken your tranquilizers yet!! Hahaha --- that revealing my face will ultimately feed their brains’ satiety centres. Well, of course you know I’m just babbling and this is all non-sense, hahahaha. Kidding aside, mankind’s evolutionary development made us realise that nakedness is a humiliation, a taboo, and even a manifestation of some neurological imbalances, but what does being naked truly mean in the eyes of God? Is it a sin to be symbolically naked before God? These things I will humbly endevour to explore to make us realise how beautiful we are in God’s eyes.

The book of Genesis tells us about the Fall of Man, this was after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. When God was looking for Adam in the cool of the day, he answered, “I heard You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked. So I Hid.” Then God replied, “Who told you that you were naked?”… There are two things that I wish to emphasise on both of their responses; first Adam saw his nakedness, he saw the obvious, he saw the limitations whereas God saw the glory of His creation through Adam, and that he was not naked. You see, we are like Adam who thinks that what we see in ourselves is what we really are. I believe that in this life, we need to think mythically…. Oh yes, you read it right, we need to go by the myths of life, these are stories or teachings with or without determinable basis of a fact or a natural explanation BUT need to be construed on a different angle. Most of the time what we see is never quite what they seem, which explains why it takes wisdom to understand the intricacies or myths of life. Some people feel that they are worthless because they are poor and that their lives are not at par with their contemporaries. They dislike themselves for not being able to vanquish their battles, for not being smart, for being unattractive, for being in chains of some habitual sins and bondages, for failing their parents’ expectations, for not being able to perform well with their jobs, for being so obstinate about their principles just to hide their inequities, and the list goes on and on. These things are obvious and can be seen or experienced by one’s self with his/her day-to-day living. These may all be true and agreeably would affect one’s perception about him-/herself, but if you think mythically, what you see is never quite what they seem. We are the children of the Most High God, we were patterned into His likeness and that alone should guarantee us that His favour would always be upon us no matter how bad we’ve become or how bad the circumstances are around us. Where you are now does not determine your future, you may suffer some of the consequences of your wrong decisions but that does not mean that God’s only plan for you is to suffer. Your CHARACTER is the one thing that matters to God, He is not concerned of what you have become but more of WHO YOU ARE and WHOSE YOU ARE. I always say this to my small group at our church; God will not change the circumstances around you because He wants you to have a character, a kind that will truly reflect His identity through you, through us. Just because you have none does not mean you’re naked! God looks at us differently for our identity belongs to Him. We are His children. We were beautifully and wonderfully made by God. We are the apple of His eyes. We are highly favoured. We are loved. Nothing in this world can EVER take us away from God’s love, not even sin, not even our brokenness, not even our bondages. Amazing love!

The next time you feel that you have nothing and worthless, think again. God does not see your limitations; He looks at your heart and your true identity, which of course belongs to Him. You are never an accident in this world for God has purposefully created you to do great things for Him and for yourself. Let’s all be passionate about living, after all we only have one life to live.

In This Desert

2009-03-02T10:40:00.008+08:00

You alone are the witness of my failures.
You alone know the weight of this chaos.
The troubles of this world have overcome me
With no soul to comfort me
For I am alone
Here in this desert

So I tried to seek you
But you seemed distant to me.
I tried to feel you
But you seemed cold to me.
When, Oh Lord, will you rescue me
Here in this desert.

In the coldness of this arid land
I curled up to keep myself warm.
And with a little hope lingering in my head
I thought of Your Cross and Your victory over death.
So I knew Your power could save me
Here in this desert.

So with my body failing
I cry out to you again.
Saying, “Lord, have compassion on me
For my wounds are ever upon me
And my chains, they have subdued me
Here in this Desert.

My Lord, I may not understand your plans
For Your thoughts are unfathomable.
All I know is that amidst these troubles
Your favor will surround me.
Your oasis will satisfy me
Here in this desert.

- dennie comia -

Living By The Dash

2009-02-17T14:38:00.005+08:00

Most people dread the day they will face death but I reckon there is nothing to fear about dying if you really never existed. How can you end something that has not yet begun in the first place? Or should I ask, what could someone do to bring life to a living dead person? These are the things that every sapien silently asks to himself in his moments of introspection. Some people in this dreary old world only exist for one thing and that is to be happy, they search for places, people, and even practices which can ultimately bring forth reason for their existence. Some of us, on the other hand, only exist to gain earthly treasures just to find out that life is too short to actually gain everything. Death is inevitable and we all know that, God never designed us to be like worms, which can regenerate if one of its segments is cut off. We only have one life to live here on earth and we need to make every moment count. In a psychological perspective though (pardon my rusty explanation as I have been out of post-graduate school for quite a while now, geeeez!!), people live through a lot of developmental stages --- social, cognitive, physical and even behavioural. For some personality theorists (hmmm, I’m tryin’ to be one!), a couple of these stages should be strictly followed otherwise the person can not move to the next level of development, hence, the word fixation. Certain behavioural patterns will exhibit if these stages are not fully reached across the lifespan and this is one of the many ways that some psychologists (like me, ahem ahem!!) look at in understanding how a person behaves and lives his life. Moreover, one’s life is molded by a lot of factors both intrinsically (biological and behavioural) and extrinsically (socio-cultural) depending on how much impact these factors have in the person. Ultimately, every person’s goal is to achieve a genuine sense of individuality; an identity that sets him/her apart from other people. How one gets to the individuation stage is something that will determine how a person will live his/her life. For some doctrines of religion, this stage could be comparatively described as the Nirvana of life. But hey, I am a Christian! So please allow me to express my humble thoughts about living a life designed by the Creator of the heavens and the earth.

Looking at the epitaphs of people buried in the cemeteries, you will see one common description about the person ---- the day of birth and the day the person experienced rigor mortis (as my Anatomy teacher would word it - - now I’m missing our class’ cadaver, her name was “Skelly” short for skeleton, Lolz!), but which is really important between the two? I guess nobody will really care unless if you’re into numerology or other New Age practices. To me, it’s the LITTLE DASH between the dates that truly matters. That short tiny dash represents a lot of things, it makes you wonder, how much this person mazimised his life on earth. How many struggles did he experience, how many battles he fought, what were his dreams, how many times did he laugh, how many litres of tears did he shed, and above all how did he live his life? That short DASH means a lot to God and He makes a long account of one’s life through it. I mentioned earlier that life is too short but God is so gracious to give us so many chances to fathom its meaning, to enjoy it and have it to the FULL! People today live for nothing because their principles are so twisted, thinking that the only way to live one’s life is to enjoy it, do good works (we can not be saved in doing good works but only through God’s grace), and earn more money. They have purposefully removed love, victory, faith, eternity, and God out of the equation because these things are too intricate to measure and understand. To God, our life is just but a handbreadth and if we spend our time living up for earthly principles of happiness we will die feeling discontented because we will always have something to long for even in our death bed. The journey of life commences when we begin to realise that we are dead to sin and that no matter how much effort we do to put meaning into our being these things will only fall short from experiencing God’s victory over human strife. No matter how rich and fulfilled you are in the eyes of the people, God knows what’s happening on the inside - - a life of guilt, depression, addiction, deception, animosity and discontent. These things will bury us in a bottomless pit where life is nil. A person may also be intelligent and does not need to believe on something that he does not see, but God will choose the foolish things of this world to shame the wise and this person will stand before God and He won’t acknowledge him for he chose to live his life according to how he designed it minus the will of the One who created him. As a Christian, we need to understand that we died with Jesus on the cross but since death could not hold Him down, He rose from the dead and now we live in Him and we are alive. We can never have a perfect life because we are not perfect, God knows that we can never be good enough for Him but because He is so gracious He makes us feel that no matter how many times we disappoint He remains faithful and still gives us His favor in everything we do.

A life of obedience means a life of abundance; this means that no matter how few the fishes and loaves are in your basket as long as you obey, God can multiply them to feed thousands of people who will soon be blessed because of your obedience to God. If God is telling us to do things now, then we shouldn’t be putting them off because we might not be able to do them in the future. A dirty pan if left unwashed for several days will become so difficult to wash, the same thing with our relationships. If God is asking you to heal that relationship with someone (mom, dad, friends, boss, etc.) but you keep on putting it off, our hearts will soon become calloused and we might not be able to re-build those broken relationships in the future. Life is too short to be spent with hatred, unforgiveness, and guilt. Night after night you go to your beds feeling frustrated about your broken relationships, but God can free you from those bondages if you only choose to obey and not procrastinate. What are you putting off today? Tomorrow might not come and you might suffer the consequences of disobedience. A disobedient life will only force God to disown you before His Holy Father.

Living a life with Christ is a decision that we need to nurture whether things go against our way or our way. Remember, that the true test of living a God-designed life is reflected on how we respond to struggles. In my quiet times with God, I ask Him a lot of questions about what’s been happening in my life, why He’s hiding His face from me, why He’s forsaken me in my wilderness, why He’s not answering my prayers but since I made a decision to live my life in Christ then I must accept His will even if I don’t understand it. I don’t want to rebel against God just because He’s not answering my needs; I know that I have only one life to live and I don’t want to spend it trying to figure out God’s perfect plan for me. For I know that everything works together for good to those who love God… Let’s all make every moment count, after all we only have one life to live!!

“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain
a heart of wisdom.”
Psalms 90:12

Staying In My Wilderness - A Prayer

2009-01-26T23:16:00.000+08:00

“Lord, I am tired, broken, empty-handed, and helpless. I know that you have delivered me from my old wilderness and endevoured to bring me to a land of comfort and victory but this Fertile Crescent was and has never been real to me, or perhaps I am just too blind to see it over yonder. Under this scorching heat of the sun, I am gradually losing my spirit’s sanity; seated on the sand of this cornerless desert, Lord, I just want to hide my face, my skin, my everything underneath these clothes but the intensity of the heat penetrates through my body and I am slowly deteriorating. Father, you know that I can never be good enough for you and all my attempts to become closer to you seem to fall short from your expectations. I feel so embarrassed before a throng of unscrupulous vultures who are watching my every move and so I thought that perhaps to them I am already a dead body ready to be eaten. God, why are you hiding your face again from me, it seems that no matter how many times I stand up and call your name I still don’t get your strength. Please don’t forsake me here in my wilderness, for You know how pure my heart is and how much I desire to please You, but sometimes I let things happen against Your will and every time I do this my strength to overcome goes out of me and then questions on identity set in.”

“Jesus, I pray for Your joy and strength to fill the emptiness of my soul. I want to see the cross and the holes in the palms of Your Hands to make me remember how much you love me. Embrace me tonight. Remove the clouds from the sky so I can see the moon and the stars. God, if it takes forever for me to learn Your ways then I am willing to stay in my wilderness no matter how long it takes. I love you, Jesus…. wherever you are. Amen.”

From Bethlehem's Manger To Calvary's Cross

2008-12-18T11:43:00.003+08:00

I have finally found the star in Bethlehem directing me to a place that everybody is looking for. Some people may have followed different stars in their journey and ended up finding earthly treasures placed in golden chests, which gave temporary elation to their very soul. However, as for me the star which I chose to follow, led me to the manger where a newborn Baby was lying so comfortably with nothing but a club of animals rejoicing with this glorious sight.

In my last year’s blog entry (Bethlehem’s Star and the Lost King – December 2007), I wrote there that my only wish for 2008 was to experience my Jesus like I had never experienced Him before. True enough, my journey’s highlight for this year was when I met my Jesus AGAIN in a very unexpected place - - - THE MANGER. From afar, the star was shining so brightly down to that manger, it was dark outside yet THAT STAR gave me so much hope amidst the vastness of that strange place. You see, I was a traveler, a lost king whose sovereignty only extended within the realms of my cognition and personal space. I was nothing, my identity then belonged to nobody, and I was just an inhabitant of this dreary world who never got to appreciate the best of everything. Looking at that bright star, my anxieties of not finding something at the end of my journey (while other people had already found their earthly treasures) was very apparent. The darkness instilled so much fear in me thinking that any moment a starving predator could come up before me and gang up on me for a gastronomical feast. This fear did not last for the star gave me direction towards a sure place somewhere in the dark. It was very strange that despite the darkness and uncertainties around that deserted place, peace was strongly felt. Unlike the evolution of fear, mankind during the prehistoric years was afraid of the dark because they were the popular preys of creatures lurking around unfamiliar places. What I experienced though was pure peace amidst that darkness. Jesus was born not during a sunny day but He was introduced to this world where darkness was all around the sky. This awesome truth speaks of God’s AMAZING GRACE that He came to give us hope in this weary world. The manger speaks of emptiness, poverty, grief, and failed accomplishments but Baby Jesus on that night gave real light and freedom from these bondages. I was a witness of His birth, His self-sufficient light, and His comforting and glorious presence. I experienced Him. I saw His face. I stayed in that manger for a long time to recuperate from my brokenness and despair. All my life as a traveler, I never understood the purpose of my journey for everything I saw and experienced was temporary. Nothing could give me meaning until that night in Bethlehem. Baby Jesus’ giggles, every time I look at His face, gave me an assurance that despite the dirt on my face He appreciates me. His presence made me realise that my purpose in life is to tell everyone about my encounter with Him so that they, too, can experience REAL JOY that only comes from Him. I may have not found the earthly treasures just like what others found in their journeys, but my true treasures are with Jesus and I know that right at this very moment He is preparing a place for me in Heaven. When the time comes that I will meet Him face to face, He will show me my real treasures in the place He has prepared for me.

Just before my attempt to carry Baby Jesus, the noise on this earth has awakened me. Everything was just a dream, but I knew that I was transported to Bethlehem to rekindle the faith that I once had before I got enticed by this glittering world. I woke up with an unexplainable joy and peace in my heart and reckoned that I was really there in Bethlehem. If only the people of this planet could fathom God’s love then we can all experience how it is to be saved by His grace. It is just too sad to look at this world filled with emptiness and greed; God gave His son Jesus to give light and purpose to each of us but mankind has resorted to their own wicked ways and because of this Jesus’ death on the cross was inevitable. From Bethlehem’s manger, we all have crucified Christ in Calvary. He could have opted not to be crucified, Jesus could have used His powers not to suffer from the hands of the people He created but because of His pure love He thought of YOU and ME in every step He made towards death. Every time I look at the cross, I see His love and His amazing grace. What about you? Are you still crucifying Him with how you’ve been living your life?

I was a witness of His birth and His light yet I crucified Him. Every blood that dropped from His broken body reminds me of how precious my life was/is to Him that He took the place for me and He thought of me above all things. From Bethlehem’s Manger to Calvary’s Cross, both places signify my salvation and freedom, I pray that all of you who’s reading this blog entry will have a new perspective of who Jesus is in your life. Merry Christmas to all of you!

Are You God's Pituitary

2008-10-08T23:45:00.004+08:00

Fascinated with how brain works, I have always dreamt of acquiring a PhD on either Behavioural Genetics or Neuropsychology but you see the demands of work and time constraints have never failed to paralyse this dream. Oh, and not to mention financial limitation which all the more disrupts my cerebral homeostasis (anyone willing to raise a fund for me? Nyahahaha!!). However, this does not in any way stop me from being astonished by this part of the human anatomy. For it is in this dream that God is making me realise how limited our neuronal cells are despite their vast number. So I guess you would give me this liberty to displace my frustrations of becoming a Neuropsychologist by this “uber” pretentious journal, nyahahaha!

Even at a very young age I knew I was very competitive, always wanting to be the first in the class ---- **clears throat** only because I was always first in the line during flag ceremonies, class pictures and all those VERY discriminating activities that would require the class to fall in line. Ok, Ok I was….. or should I say I am a midget! **eyeballs rolling - right foot tapping** . You see, I grew up to be the 3rd shortest (I had always been one of the runners-up) among our class, which is why I despised my genes. It’s as if when God poured out His perfect genetic design for my clan, my mouth and my legs were widely open to embrace the dominant trait of dwarfism. Here’s the thing, one can never change a genetic composition, it’s the blueprint of our humanity. Genes are predefined so we can’t alter them just as we Christians are predestined by God according to His will (Eph 1:11). So I am now forced to love my height and be happy about it, awwww! Physiologically speaking, our brain still contributes growth during our childhood years until one reaches early adulthood. Consequently, I was a bit pacified by that fact and was compelled to believe that I could still grow a couple of inches more (I was only 4’11 during my elementary and early high school years --- is there a prize for being too honest?! nuni-nuni-nu) post my childhood years (by the way I’m now 5’8…. Oh c’mon Dennie I thought you’ve been released from your bondages?! ---- Ok, Ok I’m only 5’6 **sighs heavily**). I remember during my Biology class back in high school, there was one gland in our body that spiked my attention - - - the PITUITARY GLAND. You know why, because until now I have never stopped admiring this vital gland in our body situated at the bottom of the hypothalamus at the base of the brain only because it’s just about a size of a PEA….. Yup, you read it right, it’s as tiny as a pea yet is a very crucial gland. What perplexes me even more is that this pea-sized gland is necessary for GROWTH!!! weird – huh!! Yes, folks, this gland produces all of our growth hormones including Somatotropin, which is one of the most active growth hormones during our growing years. This paradoxical truth in human physiology can strongly be related to how God values us as individuals regardless of our limitations. No matter how tiny and insignificant our lives may seem, God will use us if we live our lives according to His purpose. Despite the pituitary gland’s minute structure, inside it are overflowing hormones that promote growth, and not to mention its role in controlling the functions of almost all other endocrine glands in the body. In the same way, God looks at what is inside of us and not our stature, profession, skills nor our influences. We can all be like the psalmist David, who despite his stature God saw the purity in his spirit and became one of the most influential Bible characters that we’ve ever known. My heart is overflowing with joy because I know that day by day God is increasing my faith, I used my miserable past to compare what it is like to be truly intoxicated by His love and grace. Yes, I am an insignificant person to some people but in the deepest recesses of my hypothalamus, I know that God’s purpose for me is to become great and He will gradually increase my territory. I want to be His Pituitary that despite my limitations in the natural I will be supernaturally lifted up way beyond ALL impossibilities….

So I encourage everyone to see yourselves the way God sees you. Let’s not stagnate our growth only because of natural limitations for God looks at the heart and our desire to be used by Him. I speak of growth to everyone who reads this journal for God will use you as His pituitary.

“Until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the
Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of
Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves
and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and
craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in
love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ"
Ephesians 4:13-15

The Science Of Christian Faith

2008-08-28T07:20:00.009+08:00

Pardon for being “geeky” today, but allow me to freeze your mind as you flaccidly subject yourselves to a scientific journey towards the universe…. 1……..2………3…….. Troposphere…… Stratosphere…… you are now on top of the Ozone…… a little higher and you are just above Mesosphere and Ionosphere…. Then Voila! You see everything hovering up in the air and as you look down the Earth it looks just as big as the palms of your hand…. At this point you are starting to realise that God is soooo powerful… holding the entire universe by His own hands… But hey, wait-a-sec, don’t cry just as yet (freeze up your tears, will you?!) for our journey doesn’t end here, I still want you to see the Earth’s position around the mighty Sun………. this is my journal for this week.

Just imagine that our shuttle is situated a million miles away from the Earth and the Sun, from our point you’ll see that the Earth is relatively near the Sun as it revolves around an eccentric and stationary orbit. It is through this orbit that determines the Earth’s proximity to the mighty Sun, this also explains why we sometimes have longer nights and shorter days. APHELION, as I remember it, is the point in the orbit where the earth is furthest to the Sun that is why we have longer nights and PERIHELION is …. You guessed it right! The opposite (earth is closest to the Sun). Regardless of the earth’s spatial disposition, the mighty Sun remains STEADFAST to live up to it’s purpose ……. TO BE THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE AND TO GIVE LIGHT TO THE HEAVENLY BODIES. The planets are free to move around the stationary Sun without disrupting its astronomical Sun-ness (for a lack of a better word) because the Sun was created to be self sufficient.

In the same way, in our running away from God, darkness will lure our own planet and the Sun (Jesus) becomes invisible. The longer the darkness stays the longer we desire for warmth. Too many times we tried to hide from God but we always failed because even in our darkest nights He still gives us the moon and the stars to shine our paths. I don’t know what or who your moon and stars are but one thing is certain, despite our wandering away from God, He knows that we can never be sufficient but He will allow us to see His grace shining so brightly above our dark skies. Just as the planets are free to move around a very stable and mighty Sun, our free will sometimes pulls us away from our source of light. However, God is too omniscient to know that even if we escape from His Lordship the universe will conspire to bring us closer and closer to Him who has been there all along like that mighty Sun.

It has been a long evening for me, but the moon and the stars have made me realise how God can STILL make wonders even during my darkest nights. Far or near from the centre, I know that God remains steadfast and His grace will pull me back to His warmth and light………. Jesus is the light of this world and just as long as I am with Him I can do anything and I can be anywhere I want to be.

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, He said, “ I am the light of the
world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light
of life." John 8:12

Vanquishing My Mountains

2008-08-12T06:26:00.002+08:00

Mountaineers have lots’a things to talk about all the majestic mountains they have painfully ascended, mostly stories of freedom. This however, made me reckon how possible it could be for someone to survive up there considering that oxygen is way thinner than it is on land. Oh well, I don’t think I could ever understand the sensation of being on top of the highest Mountain (I’m talking of Mt. Everest) because even before I reach the top, my lungs will probably have exploded….. Hello on earth to Dennie, have you ever thought that I… me… moi… will ever endevour to do that? Geesh, that’s suicidal mate! Lolz! In the spiritual realm, however, mountains are considered opportunities for advancement and growth if we can boldly command them to move. These mountains are not steadfast for the mighty hand of God can move them.

Anyway, today I would like to write about how powerful our words are or should I say that to myself? I have been a Christian since 1987, and I was only 11 at that time (HOLD IT! Don’t do the math, mate!… Yes, I’m turning 32 this year and so wut?! **sneers**) with no accomplishments to brag other than my consistent academic excellence (see I toldja, I was never humble… lolz!). Honestly, the problem about not experiencing the world before having an intimate relationship with God is that you pro’ly have a not-so-concrete comparison of how it is like to be in the world and how to experience God’s grace (anyone can think otherwise and I respect that… Look, I’m not out here to start a duel or somethin’ **winks**). So after that encounter with Jesus, I still never understood what life really was until I reached my college and working years. Life after all was a matter of choices that was what I believed in. God, I thought, gave me a great mind to be cognizant about everything I wanted to fathom. I practically relied on books and anything that was explainable, and not only that, I also justified the psychology of how it is like to be a human being in this contemporary world ---- that everybody was created as social, emotional, cognitive, and sexual beings, thus would require an allowable and acceptable exploration to feed their needs… There’s nothing wrong with those analyses but the problem was that I guess I overly explored the psychology of mankind without God’s guidance… So, I got stuck in a rut with confusions, broken relationships, depression, and emotional setbacks. All these were and still are pervading through my heart and my inner spirit ------ and so THESE ARE MY MOUNTAINS!

However, now that I have finally found my place under God’s grace, I believe that I can speak to my mountains and overcome them. Yes, I still commit mistakes and I still hurt my Jesus practically everyday (ooooppsssie! I hope Kuya Alvin is not reading this entry, otherwise, I might be forced to have another set of 12 sessions of One2One with him… kidding!). Honestly, though God knows THAT WE CAN NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM because we can never be perfect, but He knows that we can live a righteous life if we can only master the skill of commanding our weaknesses and declaring victory over our mountains. This is how I want to live my Christian life, not perfect but righteous --- commanding the grace of God to be upon me to vanquish my mountains! There is power in every single word that we utter which is why Jesus used His words to command Lazarus from the dead. Temptations are very strong and the enemy has doubled up his strength to lead me back to his legions of defeated Christians, but I will not curse the darkness instead I will command the light to come in!

It is but normal for us humans to complain and magnify the problems but this probably is the enemy’s strategy to use our mouths to declare defeat and to disprove God’s mighty power in our lives. We Christians are not immune from adversities, in fact, the enemy will all the more cause us to stumble and be tempted because he knows that God has something great in store for us if we continually bask in His presence. For I know that with every temptation that I face today, there is a God-given opportunity for me to raise up my faith to a higher level and so I will guard my mouth and teach it to always declare words of victory and not words of defeat and doubts. I will be creating a different world with the words that I will use from this day on. To my mountains, I say to you, you are only a piece of rock compared to the grandeur of my Saviour and you will never triumph for my God is mighty.

Finding Dennie

2008-08-11T19:00:00.001+08:00

Caused by disobedience to God's commands, Jonah experienced the toughest moment of his life. Not wanting to follow God's command to go to Nineveh to preach His word, Jonah tries to avoid this command by going to another city and not to Nineveh. A huge storm arises and the sailors not realizing this is no ordinary storm, cast lots and learn that Jonah is to be blamed. Jonah admits this and states that if he is thrown off the boat the storm will cease. After being thrown overboard by the heathen sailormen, the sea calms. Jonah was miraculously saved by being swallowed by a large fish. While inside the fish's belly, Jonah prayed and God delivered him.

I was thinking if the huge fish was more of a punishment or God's grace in disguise, but honestly to me it was more of the latter. Jonah was inside that belly for days, hopeless, desperate and perhaps even suicidal -- i mean he may have developed two or more types of neuroses **thinking like Freud** in a very short span of time. Moreover, I could not possibly describe how pervasive the odour would have been inside that belly with all the algae, acid, and undigested organisms which I suppose passed through the fish's digestive tract in a not-so-peristaltic-like manner. Pardon my imagination, but Jonah would have been enough for a year long Ma ki for someone who craves for Japanese food **lolz**

In my introspection, I think that Jonah and I have something in common. My running away from God's commands has brought me nowhere; it made me think that my hapless journey will continue on until I give my last breath. However, thinking about Jonah's story, I suddenly realised that I'd rather be eaten by a big fish and experience darkness inside it than be engulfed by roaring waves. This is so because, inside that belly where there is complete darkness, no food to eat, and survival is almost nil there is only one thing I could possibly do and that is to pray and experience God's deliverance from my ordeal. God is letting me experience complete darkness today because he wants me to fully appreciate His provisions and His amazing grace. Now I remember, in one of my earlier blog entries I wrote there that my wish for this year was to experience my Jesus more than anything else in this world and if experiencing Him would mean darkness inside a fish's belly then I will stay there and wait for His salvation.

Now that I have reached rock bottom, the only thing that I can do is to look up and to look within. God's loving ways are so unpredictable, they may appear as big as the fish that swallowed Jonah but inside it deliverance is expected. In this lifetime, big fishes are out there to shelter me inside their tummies not to experience darkness nor death but to see more revelations about God's grace and His plans for me in the future.

My Salvation Testimony

2008-08-02T09:04:00.005+08:00

As a little child, I never knew what life truly meant and how it should be lived -- for even at a young age I reckoned that life was not really fair. Afflicted with a blood disorder, I knew that I would not be able to chase my own star nor would I even take hold of my license to liberty for I would leave this world earlier than my friends…….. even way prematurely than my sisters.

But just like a well-written play or novel about one’s journey, the first milestone of my life began not when I first sucked my thumb nor struck my feet on the ground but when the Lord reached out His grace to my family and when He delivered me from a life-threatening disorder… And so off I went to my journey, yielding to the same spirit that drove the disciples to minister to the people who were afflicted with human strife, guilt, and eternal death. I became an Ambassador of Christ at such a very young age allowing myself to become a channel of His grace to those people who needed Him.

A couple of chapters of my life's journey went fairly well with my Jesus but as I grew older I saw the kingdoms of this world shining right before my innocent eyes and I loved them. So I decided to take that journey, kept my Bible in my pocket as I allowed myself get hypnotised by these earthly gems. Finally, I reached my destination. The kingdoms of this world welcomed me with a new spirit that I thought was way better and much clearer than what my Jesus had made me experience when I was younger. I slept at those kingdoms, ate with their inhabitants, chatted with them, lived with them, and became one of them. I started to become oblivious about my Jesus and tried to explore the science of my cognition and the physics of every single force and thing on this planet ----> then I started to question my Jesus and decided to keep Him not in my pocket but in a chest of insignificant and pseudo-treasures. This was when my real battle began.

I started to see the kingdoms falling apart, their mighty fortresses failed to defend them and people were crying left and right. I looked at the ground and realised that the majestic kingdoms I once adored had lost their grandeur for they were built on sinking sand. I wanted to cry for help but everyone was busy carrying and saving their worldly possessions and their self-inflicted crucifixes. Then suddenly, I realised my Jesus….. my friend whom I deliberately pushed away in my attempt to fathom everything and to explore the world outside the realm of His grace and glory. I was so weary, alone and helpless. I spent my life at those kingdoms and forgot about my Friend who was there all along watching me, patiently waiting for me to utter His wonderful name.

Then amidst the smoke hovering around the fallen kingdoms I saw His face, His smile, and His outstretched hand that were so eager to embrace me. At that point, I saw liberty, I saw hope, I saw comfort….. And suddenly He was gone again but I knew He was there. His men saw me and took me by the hand, brought me to a quiet place, and fed me. I was relieved and I felt home again. God used His men to save me from my brokenness. After years of my exodus, God delivered me and brought me back to His people --->> my fellow Christ Ambassadors. Now, I am once again eager to know my Jesus and rekindle the fire that I once had. Yes, I am weak and easy to falter but my God is mighty and His grace sustains my soul. Life is difficult but I am excited about His promises. I will never pass that road again for He has redeemed me and brought me back to the life that I once lost. I thank the Lord for my joy is immeasurable.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on
wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk
and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

My Earthly Strategies Of War

2008-07-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

In the realms of my mighty fortress, I have found myself trapped under the bricks of the castles I constructed. The dust has blinded my eyes, the smoke has contaminated the air then right before my very eyes I saw the grandeur of my kingdom facing its ominous downfall. Tears have run down my cheeks while looking at my kingdom’s flag burning just a couple of meters away from me. I told myself that my sovereignty should not end this way and with only a few viable vertebrae working, I tried to get up to look for my scepter thinking that raising this tiny piece of metal would signal a payback time. However, my legs could not support me and they were too weak to bear my weight so I ended up being so frustrated about this disability.

Then I realised that all my earthly strategies of war, which I alone conceptualised failed me when I needed them the most. My mighty fortresses succumbed to the opponent’s valour and I was left with broken bricks around my helpless body. But it is only through this despair that I once again heard a very familiar tiny voice echoing around my kingdom. It was God’s comforting voice that suddenly lifted my soul up from this ruined land. So I laid down all my defenses and cried profusely as I screen the surrounding to search for His tiny voice.

Now, I am surrendering all that I am to Him even if it costs me everything. I would have not identified what my real battles were had I not experienced my downfall. In the middle of my battle I believe I have finally understood what Victory really means and so I surrender all my weapons of defense and lay my hopes and dreams to my Defender… my Friend… my Saviour…. my GOD! If relinquishing my earthly battles would mean sacrificing all my kingdoms, ambitions, and my other earthly gains then I will willingly give them all to the One who truly owns them. Everything I am and everything I have belongs to Him for this life I’m living is not my own. Just as Abraham laid Isaac on a sacrificial fire if all I have is all that my Creator desires then I surrender them all to Him…..

I may have lost my earthly battles, but God has redeemed me and has made me Victorious in His eyes!

Missin' You...

2008-05-31T22:52:00.000+08:00

You came to my world just in time when everything around was full of hatred and lies. You took away my infliction and used Your hands to uncover my blinded eyes and at that moment in time I saw love. Oh how I enjoyed every single story you shared to me, our neverending conversations on how the future would look like for You and me. So I thought how selfish I could be if I wouldn’t tell others about the promises You gave me as well as the great things You showed me. So at some point, my spirit was soaring high above the heavens only because You taught me the Physics of defying gravity. Then suddenly I lost You or perhaps You lost me, the gravity has overpowered me and pulled me down to earth and back to my ever vagrant feet.

I tried to understand Your absence while nurturing the anxieties within me and during that chronic despair I remembered You saying, “I would go and prepare a place for you.” I guess I was just too happy at that time and ignored Your proverbs but in spite of that, I’m missin’ you…… I really do…. So off I go to my journey, building houses on foundations I know would soon fail me and even if I know that sometime soon I will see the place you have prepared for me still I’m missing you. Day after day, my head is filled with dreams of gaining wealth from gold, but a shallow sound of breath of my hapless soul would awaken me from this daytime slumber. Then still I would convince my heart that someday gold will fade it’s value and there will only be one thing that I will always dream of having - - - To have You back in my arms again as You lead me to the place You have prepared for both You and me…. But then again, in reality my feet are planted here on earth and gold is what making this heathen world exist, so how much longer will it be until I get to see You and Your love again? Although I know that You love me but please tell me when can I be there with You? Night after night, I look up the stars (and wish it didn’t have to be so high, sigh!) wishing that they could tell me how You really love me but even if they never give me answers, I know that somewhere behind those twinkling stars, a perfect place awaits me and I hope that in my lengthy journey that place will never be given to someone else….

It’s quarter past 10 and my day is about to end but just before I put my eyes to rest I will remember this blog to remind me of how much happiness it gave me while reminiscing my past love… Such a lovely way to remember my Love.

Oh, I’m missing you.
Lord, I’m missin’ you.

Bethlehem Star And The Lost King

2007-12-24T12:43:00.001+08:00

I had heard the news that a Saviour was born in a manger long before I could fathom the reason of my existence. I am a lost king, traveling from afar in search for that bright light giving illumination to a place they call Bethlehem; but unlike other kings, I do not have a kingdom to rule, my sovereignty only extends within the realms of my cognition and personal space. I am a king of myself - - ruling my own destiny, governing my own free will, treasuring my rusty throne and wagging my own sceptre – but all these mean nothing for a traveler in quest for that majestic Bethlehem Star.

As a young king, I was taught of the prophecy that a Saviour on Christmas day would bring forth hope to one’s troubled soul. It also said that the great kings would pursue this Bethlehem star to behold the Baby who was and is the source of hope and riches, the kind that this world could not possibly offer. While growing up, I was looking up at that star but could hardly seem to find the right way to my Messiah. So many roads have offered possible routes that would lead to that manger but just to find out that I had been misled by promises of temporary hope and happiness. As a sojourner of this quest, many people have robbed all my riches; the treasures that I had long been keeping since I was a child had slipped away from my hands. As a young king, I knew that the kings of this world would travel from east to north and from south to west bringing with them gold, incense, myrrh, and all the best things that their kingdom could possibly offer to this beautiful Saviour. But here I am, an empty handed king with no presents to give nor best to offer to my Messiah. I am too shy to even stare at that majestic light for my eyes are filled with dirt and my body is clothed with blood flowing down from the wounds that I myself have inflicted. I was a hopeful king when I got to know of this prophecy, and although I still believe that my beautiful Saviour is somewhere out there I don’t know if I will ever get to that right path towards the manger. The saddest part was that I heard the news and got to see the light from above but was never halfway towards my Saviour.

This year, I will go on searching for the road to Bethlehem and although I have been robbed several times, I will not cease to find the face of my beautiful Saviour…

This year, I want to experience my Jesus like I have never experienced Him before….

A Struggled Vagrant

2007-12-14T12:43:00.001+08:00

When life starts to lose it’s glory and you feel like you’re a vagrant on a path to life, every road you take only leads you to a maze of impossibilities. That one’s search for love, life and purpose seems to hover in the same distance where the heavenly bodies sit in grandeur. But out of the heart of this burdened soul, I shall once again endevour to find hope in these endless battles of love, life and ominous failure; and like an agitated river rushing through the banks to meet the sea, I shall keep my spirits high in my search for this distant happiness.

Ask a lonely man of what is happiness and he will give you a diary of painful events, this is because his heart only recognizes the scars of the past and not the possibilities of overcoming them. The bribes of this world have blinded the eyes of people searching for one true happiness; a stable job, a fat wallet, or even a wonderful set of friends who, just like the other lonely people, could not also give a dose of their own desolation. Then what is there to hope for when everything else in this abundant yet dreary world offers promises of an indescribable happiness?…….. I guess this is the same question I have… A lonely guy in search of simple happiness…. Simple yet probably way too impossible to have. The things I have in my hands seem to be not enough and so everyday I wish that if everything falls apart I would find that single soul who will stand by me and walk with me on this journey to happiness. Many times I have fallen apart but there was none to pick me up, no face to look up to, and no hands to give me comfort. I am so wounded, yet nothing and nobody could stop the bleeding. There were times when I knew I was close to embracing my heart’s desire but only to find out that it was just a reflection of my wants. Nevertheless, I will never stop hoping that someday, somehow love’s face will consume my ever hungry soul….

The Bigger Truth

2007-04-27T19:46:00.000+08:00

In the quietness of my flaccid heart, one gentle heartbeat sustains its existence. This heartbeat echoes in every corner of my heart’s chambers shouting for only one name… your name.

Are you there? Can you hear the echoes of my crying heart? I know you’re close to me but it seems like the truth is leading you away from me. Why do you have to yield to this truth when there is a bigger truth that both you and I know of? That our hearts belong to each other and that we can fly across the universe with our wings complementing each other. My soul finds rest in your presence and your heart finds strength in my loving arms. This is the truth that both you and I could not possibly deny. For You and I my love, can readily testify that real people can love unconditionally.

But why are you still holding on to this small truth, why does your heart succumb to things that would inflict so much pain to yourself and to me, your true love? I have been trying to keep my sanity all this time…… been holding on to that thought that the universe would conspire in search for true love and that the waves of the sea will forever sing of our love….. I am hurting but I will love you greater than he does. This has always been my vow….. My promise… My destiny….. I love you.

Passing Through

2007-04-07T15:21:00.000+08:00

I have tried my best to keep you but doing that does not mean the right thing to do. I have always wanted to despise you and even curse you for taking advantage of my love, for delaying everything even if it was all clear to you right from the very onset of this struggle… But I CAN NOT DO THAT, for my love for you breaks through all the barriers you’ve set upon me. It overcomes all the hatred and the hurt you’ve caused me. There is just soooo much love I can give to you but I guess you never acknowledged it, you never thought of my welfare… you have forgotten that I am a very delicate person who deliberately subjected myself to the lies that you have created. A lot of tears have fallen down from my eyes but you only stood there… you remained only as a witness… I only hoped for one thing…. A sound decision that only YOU can make!

You only knew one thing and that is to stay at middle ground, but little did you know that middle grounders get to receive the first bullet and the first ones to die. I have always wanted to salvage you from this possible loss, giving you options on how you could possibly come up with the right choices, but still you chose to be passive… You’re hurting two people and the only thing you did was to save yourself from the shame that you created.. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT YOU and you know that, it has never been my nature to hurt other people especially the ones I truly love…… YOU WILL STILL HAVE MY HEART but Im scared to be part of your lies again…. This has been too much for me to bear…..

A Helpless Soul

2007-03-07T15:11:00.001+08:00

I thought I was selfish, I thought I was a brat, I thought I could never be faithful, I thought I would never find love again....... But I was so wrong. Now that you're here, I have finally realised how good my heart is. Trying to bear all the hurt that you've caused me..... inflicting so much pain into my ever vulnerable soul.... but what can I do? I'm so helpless.... you are in my mind and in my soul yet you don't exist in my arms. You can never be mine for you belong to a world that gives you more life where the only inhabitant is someone whom you intend to share your forever with...

You will remain as a viable thought... just an imagination.... I am deeply hurt.... been taken for granted and this is just just too painful for me to bear....

A Vow Worth Keeping

2007-02-27T15:11:00.000+08:00

Your love means so much to me…… I thrive in your presence……… My soul only yearns for you, my love. For it is only you who has put back the hope of yielding myself to great love; to be intoxicated by somebody’s presence…. to feel your warm embrace that even eternity could not possibly reckon.

My small and empty world only knew one thing - homeostasis, but when your love came my world lost it’s balance. I was moved by your loving embrace, your eyes have wandered across my world and have come to love every single part of it. And so I chose to welcome you in my world despite the absence of colour and diversity. You walked in gracefully looking straight to the very core of my world, touching my life and putting back the colours that have long been thrown into oblivion. You came….. you designed my world……… but now you’re leaving. You showed me love but could not fight for it… I’m not mad at you my love, for you left me with great memories that I will cherish in this lifetime.

How could I stand every single day without your loving embrace? I miss you so badly and it’s hurting me a lot. Even if it’s wrong to love you, even if I can’t be with you in your remaining existence on this earth my heart will stay beside you.

I have given you my vow….. I will overcome forever…. I will wait for you, my love….. will forever wait for you. =’(

A New Milestone

2006-11-20T12:06:00.001+08:00

They say than when God closes a door, He opens up the windows........ I guess that is an understatement when He closes something He grandiosely opens up the heavens for a shower of blessings. God may have ended my mother's journey but He has already begun planning ours and this is what I am so excited about. Although I must admit that it ain't easy to find closure after my mom's death, I know that my strength will soon surface as I face another milestone in my life.

Day by day God reveals Himself to me, providing me with alternatives on how to stand firm before a throng of unsainted angels who know nothing but to trap my ever friable spirit. Yes, I get trapped MOST of the time even until now, but His spirit never grows tired of chastising me showing me the things that will all the more make me want to be in His presence. I may not understand His faithfulness but I am forever grateful that He is my loving friend and father.

As I seemlessly integrate my spirit into another milestone, I keep my mom's memories alive in my heart and in my mind. I know that wherever I may be and whatever I will become there will always be someone up there who will rejoice with me if I experience triumph and will hear all my cries if I get wounded from a fight. I thank the Lord for my mom, for my dad, for my sisters, and above all for His spirit. Behold, a new Dennie!!

The Road Yonder

2006-11-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

After my mom’s death, I have come to realise that the road I have traveled for decades now has led me to nowhere. I thought everything I owned and all decisions I made in the past would bring me to a more comfortable life, but I was darn wrong!! I was selfish…. And now I am starting to despise myself….. even trying to acquiesce with what the demon inside me has been telling me all these years, “dennie, you’re a person of low character; a rotten tomato; and everything you will do and plan to do will always be a major DEFEAT!”. Oh well, perhaps that is true… I deserve nothing but a million “pats on the shoulder” from contemporary zombies (living dead) welcoming their new member…. a member whose character is buried at the bottomless pit waiting for a colony of annelids to gather for a sumptuous meal.

Looking through my life’s journey, I have failed to acknowledge the people whom I have grown up with… my family, relatives and significant others. I was too stringent about navigating my life through my own means and discounting their presence, and then all I could see was light with no exact direction on how to get there. Long before I have recognized that I have taken them for granted, I have already destroyed a major piece of me and this piece is now thrown out to oblivion.

But now that God has summoned me to gear up and take the road yonder, I am ready to take another journey towards triumph and blessings. His gracious rod has revived me from slumber and I am gradually getting up to embrace my character’s resurrection. Although the human side of me will still be a roadblock, I will seek refuge from God should I face another defeat. I will not undervalue God’s ability to comprehend men’s earthly battles for I know that there are things that only He can fathom. The road yonder remains mysterious and nobody can tell from one’s point of view what it is like to be part of this light. All I know is that I will be traversing through majestic mountains with people whom I consider real and alive and I will value them deep in my heart as long as I live.